Realization & Adele

I'm rather exasperated and annoyed. At what? Having to repeat myself ten thousand times because the first time wasn't enough, wasn't clear enough, or wasn't even heard. My blog is something important to me and i feel that i've left it out of the loop. I've been off center lately and not willingly to write about my life happenings because i've been trying to avoid talking about the latest changes in my life. Thus, i've treated some people poorly and taken for granted their company. In order to avoid talking about the subject or any subject that rubs me the wrong way, i opt out by dismissing the importance of the person (to me). Me yelling, "i don't care what you have to say, i just wanted to talk about it" was rude and cowardly. What's worse was that i didn't mean it. After hearing a different perspective, everything sort of makes more sense. The thing is i knew what you said was right, but i refused to hear it because it's easier accepting what i've known. With that out of the way, i feel that i'm some kind of bitch waiting to unleash havoc of all kinds on unsuspecting victims. Unfortunately, with my period coming up, it's not helping the situation.



So back to the present, what have i been avoiding? I broke up with my bf. The reason why i'm not left in shambles is because i sort of prepared myself for the eventual occurrence. I broke it off. I want better for both of us. I want his life to be fuller, to be more than just me. You cannot base your existence on one person at such a young age. You are in your prime, why devote living your life for another? Being in a relationship does not require to lose yourself, so why does it seem that you have? Awhile back, you didn't do so well in school and it seems like instead of moving forward, you moved back. At the time, i really wanted to help and so staying by your side, i encouraged you every step of the way. For that, i'm not sorry. But looking back, it seems that i might have hindered your progress. Instead of giving you your much needed time to focus on school and family, you devoted your time to our relationship and me. I didn't see that i was being selfish. When i realized what was happening, i wanted to correct it. I just didn't know how or when. Prolonging the inevitable was probably the worst decision i've made during my time with you. It was a good run while it lasted, but i need more than what you can offer me right now. That should be the same for you, too. I want to become a self-reliant person, someone that can hold her own weight in life and especially in a relationship. I also need someone who can do the same. It's too much to ask of one person to carry everything. I'm not saying i carried all the weight, but during our run, i felt that i carried a lot. That wears a person out. I was really tired. When you are with someone, you look for someone with the potential to become your official significant other. At the beginning, i saw the potential, but the longer i was with you it was harder to see.

What is your goal and how do you plan to make it happen? There is no other time but now. So kick it into gear. Why does this have to be an ending? Why does it all have to be so pessimistic? Things happen for a reason and your outlook on life determines how you make the best of it. Take this time to become a better person and grow into someone you are proud to be. When you become a self-reliant person, that is when you know you are capable of taking care of others. Stop the self-pity and the self-torment. There is reason to be sad, but this is no reason to stop bettering yourself and living life. At the beginning of the blog, i said that i was annoyed and exasperated. That is because i told him all this and more, yet it seems like he doesn't understand. What is this in one ear out the other business? Is it all guys or just stubborn ones? My hope for us is to become the best of friends. But in order for that to happen you have to let time heal. Time is now your best friend. A couple of days ago, he msged me and asked me if it was too early. Today, i got a phone call from the ex wondering if "this was too early." Does it take two days for people to fall in love? Does it take two days to build a house? Does it take two days to call your once-lover a friend? If it takes two days for you, i commend you, but i don't believe it. How many tear-free nights have you had? How many days have you gone without checking my fb, blog, aim, anything that reminds you of me without feeling a rush of emotion? I already proposed a plan, but you refused. The more resistance you put up, the more hurt you are to become. I hate to sound like a callous bitch, but i need you to understand. I know you are strong and i know you are smart. So it's up to you. Make a decision and for once, stick with it.

A black kid mooned me. It was weird and awkward.